Jealousy is one of those strong emotions of a relationship that has the tendency to turn brutal very quickly. It might start out innocent enough – a snide comment here, an off-handed joke there – but in the end, there is always a hidden agenda being restrained that will eventually come out. And when it does, it is never a pretty sight.
Does the existence of jealousy automatically doom a relationship? Absolutely not. But ignoring it won’t make it any better, either. It has to be treated in a specific manner or the entire incident will blow up and no one will be better off.
There is no beating around the bush here. You have to confront the individual and ask them the reason for their jealousy. Chances are they were hurt in a past relationship and now their guard is up. If so, this is understandable. But it doesn’t give them the right to take it out on you.
You need to discuss things with them calmly, without criticizing, giving ultimatums, threats or anger. Remember, you are trying to get them to open up to you. If you launch an all-out assault against their character and their beliefs, it might appear to them their suspicions are valid.
At the same time, you have to stand your ground and make it clear to them their unfounded negative feelings will only succeed in driving you away. People will put up with some behaviors in a relationship, but being falsely accused of something so terrible and out-of-character for them is not one of them. This is a severe accusation and not something to be taken lightly.
A large part of this arrangement is going to have to be based on trust. They will have to trust you – that you won’t cheat and you have to trust they will make a conscious effort not to be accusatory. They need to tell you this is a reasonable request and they really do have the desire to put forth the effort that will be needed.
After you have this discussion with them, there will be a time they will either back down from their tendencies or they will continue without change. At this point, it might be better off to call it quits and move on. If the individual is not willing to budge on their accusations then this is probably something that will never be resolved. In fact, it might have been the reason for their last breakup.
For nearly 25 years Beverleigh Piepers has searched for and found the principles to help you get to the root causes of your crisis.
The solution is not in the endless volumes of information you find across the internet, or the advice your friends give… it’s in yourself; the thoughts that make you who you are.
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