Have you come across couples who have been successfully married for more than 25 years? You should have come across such people. But have you tried to find out what the secrets that made their marriages last so long were? While doing this analysis, you should differentiate between marriages that have been successful and marriages that have just stood the ravages of time.
Many couples remain married for a long time but they are not necessarily successfully married. Their marriage has endured because for some reason the couples were unable to choose divorce as an option. Various considerations like the need to bring up children, financial constraints and the inability to overcome the inhibition of opting for a divorce have forced people to bear with their partners.
Successful marriages have certain common characteristics. I am listing out the three most important traits so that you can use these as a check to evaluate your own marriage.
1) The personality of one or both the partners:
There is an Oriental saying that you need two palms to produce a clap. If one hand moves and the other does not, there will be no clap. If one partner has a strong personality he or she can make a difference to the marriage. The strong partner will find ways to handle the shortcomings of the other rather than force a separation. If both partners have strong personalities, then the marriage is blessed and is guaranteed to last long.
2) The bond of love is strong:
Love is a solvent that can dissolve numerous problems. The Tamil poet Bharathiar says, ‘Feelings of grief and depression will be destroyed by love. Love is unperishable.’ So, whatever be the personalities of the partners, whatever be their weaknesses or shortcomings and whatever be their acts of indiscretion and impropriety, if the two partners love each other, that love will remain the predominant force in the marriage, a force that will guide the marriage towards a successful path.
3) Open communication between the partners:
If the partners have a habit of communicating with each other openly, nothing can come In the way of the success of the marriage. There are couples who will not be vociferous even in expressing their love. ‘I love my spouse and they should know it’ will be their attitude. Thy fail to realize that unexpressed love is as good as unrequited love. The other partner is likely to assume that their spouse did not love them because if they did, they would have said so. In the same way, when differences are not brought out into the open, they assume serious proportions and end up destroying the relationship ultimately. Couples who openly express their differences and fight out the issues have better chances of getting their differences reconciled. So whether it is love or resentment, couples who are more communicative have better chances of saving their marriage.
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